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Lifestyle: When sex hurts and what to do about it

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They said there was nothing wrong with me. Gynecologists. Gastroenterologists. Even a lung specialist. They ran tests — CAT scans, X-ray’s, blood labs, you name it — to rule out tumors so big as to cause severe pelvic pain during sex.

This was the route I — and thousands of women — go through to find an explanation as to why sex hurts. Why we feel tight and shut down with a person we love. Why we can’t find sexual pleasure (or orgasm).

Each test and positive affirmation that there was nothing wrong with me sent me further down the spiral. I wished — hoped, prayed — that there was something wrong with me. Because that something could counter what was dominating my mind: that I was broken as a woman.

Painful sex didn’t just ruin my sex life, it ruined my marriage and my life.
I avoided touch that I craved (long after my marriage ended), in fear that it would lead to “more” — and more I could not do. Feeling alone and ashamed, I pulled back — first from my husband, then from any potential sexual partners. I stuffed my emotions, disappointment and anger, instead channeled my energy to shopping, cooking and baking (and the eating that followed).

Most of all, I felt that my body for betraying me, failing to perform when I needed it to. So I had disconnected from it. I had pushed it away.

Little did I know that I was actually betraying my body.

Somewhere along the journey of being the wife I was supposed to be — the woman who pleases and is a pleasure to her husband — I had lost connection to myself.

I had stopped listening

I had stopped listening to my body: what it wanted, what it needed, what it found pleasurable. Too often, I choose what he wanted, going at his pace. I felt less-than-courageous to ask to slow down, pay attention, give me the kind of touch that would arouse, stimulate, turn on.

I had stopped listening to my emotions. The resentment, sadness and disappointment I felt about sex being oriented towards his orgasm — I took a deep inhale, and I stuffed it all in.

Those emotions were telling me that something was wrong, uneven, unsatisfying, but I ignored the message. I packed the emotions in, growing more wound up inside, building up the tightness in my body that then created pain.

And lastly, I had stopped listening to my intuition, what I knew was true for me within.

My body wasn’t betraying me. I was betraying my body. I was betraying myself.

The wake up call came when I realized I wasn’t dealing with a medical problem — but a spiritual one.

Fast forward to today. This experience — and the beautiful journey of sexual discovery and opening that followed — led me to become an intimacy and sexuality coach and focus on women’s sexuality.

What I thought was uncommon as a newlywed, I now know is in fact very common for women. Too common.

As many as one out of three women experience painful sex. From mild discomfort to excruciating pain, tightness and pelvic pain during sex prevents women from enjoying themselves and their partners
and it affects their lives.

In my coaching practice, I hear women share, sometimes through tears, other times in bouts of anger:

“I question if this pain means that I don’t deserve pleasure.”

“What if I am not meant to be a sexual person?”

“I feel so alone and lost.”

“Why is my body doing this to me?!”

“I want to be with my husband, and my body is betraying me.”

When sex hurts, it truly feels like the body is betraying us, holding us back, letting us down.

Pain during sex not only ruins the moment, it can have deeper consequences: fear of sex, lowered libido, and overall disconnect or loss of intimacy in a relationship.

When my clients come to me, this is what I tell them: Pain is your body’s way of signaling that something is wrong. And it’s your job to slow down and tune into what your body is telling you — and to heed its needs.

It’s not merely physical. And it’s not purely in your head either.
It’s both.

The bad news is that we often train ourselves to close off to pleasure (creating tightness) with our thought, beliefs and actions. Our bodies react to our emotions and state of mind by tightening up, leading to uncomfortable experiences, which then evoke more negative emotions and self-talk.

The good news is that with some help, we can rewire our bodies to open up to pleasure, both physically and emotionally.

In my private practice as a women’s sexuality coach, I work with women who experience discomfort and pain during intercourse (and therefore cannot enjoy their sex life).

To help understand what’s happening “down there,” I am going to break down the most common psychosomatic reasons that contribute to painful sex and how to rewire your body to pleasure.

1. Tune into your body and listen

Our bodies speak in whispers and nudges, sometimes too softly to hear over the loud negative voices in our heads.

They signal what they need and what’s not right for us. Yet we are taught to disregard the body’s messaging system, overriding it with “but it’s not that bad”.

For most women, painful sex doesn’t come out of anywhere. There is a progression.

Many women lose their natural lubrication when the sex they’re having is less than what their body needs, resorting to lube as a substitute. The use of lube, while helpful as a complement to natural lubrication, can often mask an underlying problem — that the body is not ready for intercourse.

It takes much longer for women to get ready, requiring much more physical stimulation all over the body and meticulous attention from her partner than most men (and women) realize.

And in today’s way of life, most women are running on empty, when it comes to pleasure, relaxation and space. Our bodies cannot afford a bout of intercourse because it might actually leave us emptier than we started with.
When a woman dials in to what her body needs — and fills up on receiving what feels good to her — she quickly begins to see greater physical responsiveness.

2.Pay attention to what you’re feeling and telling yourself

When you experience pain in this tender and vulnerable area of your life, self-doubt, fears and self-judgement will undoubtedly creep in. Because sex isn’t just about sex — it’s about intimacy, identity, image, and relationship.

Negative thoughts and beliefs signal danger to our body. When we don’t pay attention and manage the thoughts that run in our head, the body literally lives in fear, responding by shutting down non-essential systems, including sex organs.

Beliefs translate into a body response, and it quickly becomes a vicious cycle. When we believe we’re in danger, our bodies close up. When we believe we’re not worth pleasure, our bodies tighten. When we tighten and it hurts, we create more self-doubt and fears.

The key here is not to ignore the fear — it’s there to protect you. Underneath the fear and the negative self-talk are real emotions — of sadness, disappointment and anger.

When I work with clients, we pay attention to what is happening and cultivate the inner wise voice inside, the one who knows what’s right for you. We ask “what do you want?” and listen carefully to the answer. We make “her” louder, so the fear can no longer derail her.

When a woman honors her emotions and connects to herself, uncensored, her body relaxes, opens up and melts.

3. Speak up

It’s not uncommon that the places where we’ve stopped listening to our bodies are also the places where we went silent.

And that silence — and the loss of intimacy — leads to the loss of safety in the relationship, which often has the body shut down further.

Women need safety to open our bodies — both physically and emotionally — to let our partners in. And we don’t take this seriously enough.

From asking to slow down, to guiding your partner to what your body needs, to saying ‘no’ to what doesn’t feel good — speaking up restores our power to honor and respect our body, creating deeper inner connection, relaxation and joy.

Painful intercourse is a mutual problem. When women bring in and involve their partners in finding solutions, intimacy grows, bringing couples not only pain-free sex, but an intimate connection that creates closeness, pleasure and joy.

Sarah Clark To Rock Europe Convention Of Saints 2017(THY KINGDOM COME) Of The Royal House Chapel Uk

The Royal House Chapel UK hosts mega Event dubbed “THY KINGDOM COME” with the UK BaseD Talented Gospel Musician Sarah Clark.

The five(5) day program promises to be a wild, vibrant, youthful and intense worship and praise night as the Vibrant Songtress Rocks the program with her sweet angelic voice full of annointing at The Royal House Chapel(The Pod Kingsdale Alleyn Park SE218SB From WEDNESDAY 23RD TO SUNDAY 27TH AUGUST 2017. Time: 6:30pm EACH NIGHT (No Saturday Meeting).

The Powerful Men and Woman Of God Includes;
1. Bishop John Francis (Ruatch City Churches)
2. Apostle General Sam Korankye Ankrah (RCI Worldwide)
3. Rev.Mrs.Rita Korankye Ankrah (Premier Lady RCI Worldwide)

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Finally She is counting on votes from loyal Fans to keep voting for her to win the BEST UK BASED NEW GOSPEL ARTIST OF THE YEAR & BEST UK BASED GOSPEL SONG OF THE YEAR.
Follow the link to vote for Sarah Clark http://www.theghanamusicawardsuk.com/vote/index.php/247454

#ItWillComeToPass

#SarahClark

 

 

The Vibrant UK Based Gospel Artist Sarah Clark Spotted On A Bicycle

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It’s not a surprise the multi-talented UK Based Gospel Artist SARAH CLARK has the skills to ride a bicycle on the street on France.

The “”It will come to pass” Hit Maker was spotted a few days ago on the streets of France riding a bicycle.Sarah Clark loves a good workout and is one of the fittest and prettiest Gospel Artist known for Good music and vibes.

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Before moving the bike, Sarah disclosed that she was taking a ride in town since she is still in her holiday birthday celebration in France.She posted on facebook that “NEW AGE!! NEW RESPONSIBILITIES!! # IT DOES NOT MATTER HOW LONG IT TAKES WHATEVER GOD HAS SAID ABOUT YOU, WILL SURELY COME TO PASS!!! 3b3 b3mu!! DO NOT GIVE UP!!! KEEP PUSHING TILL YOU BREAK FORTH!!!”

Below are pictures;

Finally She is counting on votes from loyal Fans to keep voting for her to win the BEST UK BASED NEW GOSPEL ARTIST OF THE YEAR & BEST UK BASED GOSPEL SONG OF THE YEAR.
Follow the link to vote for Sarah Clark http://www.theghanamusicawardsuk.com/vote/index.php/247454

#ItWillComeToPass

#SarahClark

Sarah Clark’s Birthday pictures with Family in France

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The UK Based Singer who sings for the sick to get healed SARAH CLARK celebrated her Birthday on the saturday 5th August 2017 at France.The birthday celebration which took place at France last Saturday had in attendace frineds and family.

Lot of wishes came through via her facebook page with pictures.

SHE SAID “Awwwwww I just want to say a big thank you to everyone for your beautiful messages and phone calls wow wow wow am sooooo GREATFUL TO GOD to have great people like you awwwwwww love you all mwaaaaaah”..

Also as we all know she was nominated for the GHANA MUSIC AWARDS UK so pleading to fans to vote for her for the BEST UK BASED NEW GOSPEL ARTIST OF THE YEAR & BEST UK BASED GOSPEL SONG OF THE YEAR.

Below is the link to vote for her and some pictures and video of her Birthday Celebration.
Follow the link to vote for Sarah Clark

BEST UK BASED NEW GOSPEL ARTIST OF THE YEAR & BEST UK BASED GOSPEL SONG OF THE YEAR.

http://www.theghanamusicawardsuk.com/vote/index.php/247454

#ItWillComeToPass

#SarahClark

 

 

https://www.facebook.com/plugins/video.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fsarah.clarkiii%2Fvideos%2F337103153412977%2F&show_text=1&width=560

Counselor Lutterodt makes shocking revelation about virgins

lut.jpgVirginity is deemed a priceless trophy every woman is expected to present to the man who is worthy enough to ask for her hand in marriage after the long wait to deflower her at the opportune time (ie after marriage).

For this reason, there are a lot of perceptions about virgins including, the belief that they ooze with “out of the world” taste during a sexual intercourse, the perfect wives, get the best husbands among others, but here’s what controversial sex therapist Counselor George Lutterodt has to say about this perception.

“Virgins are a burden!” he established on popular GHOne relationship show, “Tales from the powder room” on Wednesday.

He explained that virgins come to marriage with all manner of baggage and expectations after sampling myriad views from friends about sex and they tend not to keep their private parts well because they have not had the use for their “envy of all mankind” over the years.

He was however quick to add that, there is nothing wrong with keeping one’s virginity till marriage, but they (virgins) must have their own reasons for choosing to remain untouched and stand by their decision with pride.

Churches ‘full’ of masturbating virgins – Counselor Lutterodt

lutterodtCounselor George Lutterodt has revealed that they are plenty of ‘masturbating virgins’ in churches and stressed that such women can never be satisfied by any man.

He explained that “there are women who claim they are virgins and yet satisfy themselves with all manner of pleasurable items including vibrating cell phones, and all manner of sex toys.”

The Counselor affectionately called “The emotional fixer” made this claim on GHOne’s relationship programme, ‘Tales from the Powder Room’ on Wednesday during a discussion on the phenomenon of virginity, society’s view of virgins, how they are perceived and the ‘hard’ truth about remaining chaste till one enters marriage.

He categorized yet to be ‘deflowered’ women under the following; infant virgins, secondary virgins, and masturbating virgins.

Per the controversial counselor’s explanations:

Infant Virgins have never engaged in sexual relations since birth,

Secondary Virgins have engaged in sexual acts before but have decided to never again get intimate with a man till they decide otherwise at a later time,

Masturbating Virgins use sex toys and other items to excite themselves but do not have sexual relations with a man.

He established that there are many women in churches who fall within the “Masturbating virgin bracket” and cautioned against it, noting that such women can hardly be pleased by their men when they later settle down in marriage.

“If you are a man and marries such women you can never satisfy them in bed because you (the man) is competing with a machine! (vibrator and other sex toys)”

“But how can you a man, compete with a machine to satisfy a woman who pleasures herself with vibrating devices?” he queried.

He, however, admitted that though today’s society has their own opinions about getting involved with a virgin, “if you are a virgin, know why you have decided to remain as such and stand by it with pride.”

He maintained that keeping one’s self till they marry before having sex is the best way to avoid guilt, sexually transmitted diseases STD’s, etc but does not mean that they are guaranteed a problem free marriage.

 

Daughter of Glorious Jesus endorses Sarah Clark

 

If you grew up in the early 90s and early 2000s, and you were brought up in the church way, then you probably remember that girl who would sing a song by Daughters of Glorious Jesus at Sunday School.

We all loved and still love their songs. And yes, some of us had a crush on one, two or all three of them. Just the way their voices would blend to make the music soothing and uplifting, is something that we haven’t had any gospel music group in Ghana do yet.

The Ghanaian Vibrant singers Daughters of Glorious Jesus have showered praises on the UK Based Ghanaian Gospel artiste Sarah Clark for been nominated for two(2) categories in the Ghana Music Awards UK.

A video posted by Sarah Clark, has the Vibrant Singers sending ‘shout outs’ and singing happily for  Sarah Clark as she was nominated.They therefore plead to her fans and their fans to vote for Sarah Clark and they know #It will come to Pass.

Below are the categories for Sarah Clark and the link ;

1.BEST UK BASED NEW GOSPEL ARTIST OF THE YEAR

Manye Stone

Gertrude Forson

Minister Ike

Maame Serwaa

Hannah A. Donkor

Elder Ofori

Charlie Barnes

Nana Achia

Sarah Clark

Mama Comfort

Prophet Eliyahu Boateng

Yaw Boateng

Bishop Merry Frimpomaah

Alice Bee

2.BEST UK BASED GOSPEL SONG OF THE YEAR

You Are The One – Minister Owura Jay

Boafo ne Awurade – Hannah A. Donkor

Land of God – Justice Odoi

#It will come to Pass – Sarah Clark#

Onyame Tumi Adi Nyinaa Ye – Comfort Amankwah

Se Nyame Nni Mua – Mama Cee

Alpha and Omega – Amankwah Tiah

Me nsa aka Me De3 – Theodora Gospel

Give Me You – P.K. Boadi

My Soul Says Yes – Sonnie Badu

Follow the link to vote for Sarah Clark

http://www.theghanamusicawardsuk.com/vote/index.php/247454

#ItWillComeToPass

#SarahClark

 

Watch Daughters of Glorious Jesus praise Sarah Clark in the video below:

 

Working too hard is wrecking your heart, says new study

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Working long hours can make you tired and miserable, and has even been linked to increased levels of anxiety and depression.

And if you’re someone who likes to get in early, stay late and take work home with you, we have even more bad news for you.

According to a new study in the European Heart Journal, people who regularly work long hours are at far higher risk of heart disease than those who stick to their regular working day.

Researchers found that long working hours were linked to atrial fibrillation, a heart condition that causes an ‘irregular and often abnormally fast heart rate’.

Particularly bad cases of atrial fibrillation can eventually lead to stroke or heart failure.

85,000 people – both men and women – were followed during the course of the study, none of whom had existing atrial fibrillation.

Game over

Over 1,000 participants developed the condition over the next ten years – and when sex, age and socio-economic status were adjusted, researchers found that those working ‘more than 55 hours a week’ were 1.4 times more likely to develop atrial fibrillation.

The study also confirmed that longer working hours are linked to depression, anxiety, obesity and problematic use of alcohol.

The team now hope to investigate exactly why long working hours can cause the condition.

‘We showed that employees working long hours were 40% more likely to develop this cardiac arrhythmia than those working standard hours,’ they write.

Why does sex hurt? 10 conditions and how to tackle them

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Despite what we see in the movies, sex is not always as simple as it appears.

There are many problems we can encounter when we do the dirty, from not being able to maintain an erection to being too dry for penetration.Many have experienced pain during or after sex, and it’s easy to start panicking and thinking there’s something seriously wrong with you.

While it’s unlikely you’ve done more than just gone at it a bit too hard, there are some conditions that are linked to pain during sex.

Here is everything you need to know about the most common conditions causing painful intercourse.<

1. Genital herpes

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This STI can cause discomfort during sex that should be discussed with a medical professional.

The infection can be passed on by someone who doesn’t have any visible symptoms, which is why using protection during sex is important.

Symptoms include blisters around the genitals and rectum, vaginal discharge in women, pain when passing urine and general flu-like symptoms.

There is no cure for herpes, but symptoms can be managed using antiviral medicines.

2. Yeast infections

Many women will experience a yeast infection at least once in their lifetimes.

Symptoms include itching and burning sensations, unusual discharge, and pain when passing urine or having sex.

An imbalance in naturally occurring bacteria causes the infection, and can be triggered by factors such as uncontrolled diabetes, a weak immune system, pregnancy and a poor diet with lots of sugary foods.

Doctors can prescribe remedies such as antifungal creams to treat the infection.

3. Endometriosis

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Many women with endometriosis can experience pain during sex.

The condition involves the tissue that lines the uterus starting to grow in other areas, and this can affect a woman’s sex life.

If the additional growth is located behind the vagina and the lower part of the uterus, this can cause pain as sexual thrusting will push and pull at it.

Asking your doctor for an ultrasound screening can help to locate problem areas.

Trying alternative sexual positions, having sex at certain times of the month and keeping the lines of communication open can help to ease the issue.

4. Irritable bowel syndrome

Those with IBS are more likely to experience dyspareunia, which is pain during or after intercourse.

It affects both genders, but is more common in women, and those who are sexually inexperienced or post-menopausal up their chances of experiencing the issue.

Symptoms can include pain upon penetration, thrusting or throbbing pain after intercourse.

Medication and relaxation exercises can help to ease the condition.

5. The menopause

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Women going through the menopause may be more susceptible to painful sex.

As parts of the vagina and vulva can become additionally sensitive, sexual acts that used to feel good can result in pain instead.

Dwindling estrogen supplies can result in dryness, which ups the chances of painful friction during sex.

Self-help remedies such as using lubricants, increasing foreplay and masturbation can aid in reducing pain during sex.

6. Eczema

Dry skin can lead to dyspareunia, especially if left untreated.

Symptoms include feeling itchy and sore during sex, needing to scratch the skin while engaging in intercourse and getting painfully hot.

Self help remedies include changing your washing powder, drinking more water and finding the right moisturiser for your skin.

7. Vaginismus

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This condition involves a recurrent or persistent tightening of the muscles around the vagina whenever penetration is attempted.

It can disrupt sex lives, lead to embarrassment and frustration, and cause relationship problems.

Some women can only insert a tampon and are unable to have sex, while others can be penetrated but find it painful.

Vaginal trainers can be recommended by a doctor, or sex therapy may be recommended.

8. Peyronie’s disease

This condition is one of the most common causes in sexual pain in men.

It is characterised by a visible curvature of hourglass shape of the penis when erect.

Most men can still have sex, but will find it to be a painful experience.

The condition can fade on its own, or medications can be prescribed by a doctor.

Stop trying to get that first time sex feeling back, says expert

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When you get married, people like to make jokes about how your sex life is going to be over forever. 

It’s not true, of course. Your sex life isn’t affected by getting married. But it is affected by getting older, becoming too comfortable with your partner and not making so much of an effort.So while biting into wedding cake isn’t exactly going to ruin your sex life, being married isn’t exactly famed for making your sex life soar. So it was something of a surprise to hear a sexual expert claiming that married in fact improves your sex life.

Esther Perel, who is best known for her TED talk on infidelity spoke at the Goop Wellness summit about post-marital sex. And while we’re usually pretty skeptical about anything that involves Goop, her words were pretty inspirational.

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‘[Your sex life] doesn’t end when you take your vows,’ she said, ‘This is when the story starts.’

Perel claims that because she is no longer spontaneous, it instead becomes what she calls a ‘creative enterprise.’

Doesn’t that sound nice?

As someone who writes regularly about sex and sexuality, one of the most common questions which I am asked is ‘how do I make the sex like it was when we were first together?’

The truth is, we’re chasing an impossible dream when we want sex to be like it was the first time.

‘People have this myth of spontaneous sex,’ says Perel. She goes on to explain that things can only be new once. The first weeks with your partner are a unique occurrence. If you’re always striving for that exact feeling? You’re going to be disappointed.

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Instead of trying to get that first time feeling back, we should be enjoying married – or long-term relationship –  sex for what it actually is.

In order to achieve this, Perel says that your sex life demands ‘focus and attention’.

‘Once you take ownership,’ she says, ‘then you begin to create a valuable connection.’

Perel has previously recommended taking steps towards making your sex life closer and more exciting by scheduling sex and committing to it ahead of time.