Lifestyle: When sex hurts and what to do about it

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They said there was nothing wrong with me. Gynecologists. Gastroenterologists. Even a lung specialist. They ran tests — CAT scans, X-ray’s, blood labs, you name it — to rule out tumors so big as to cause severe pelvic pain during sex.

This was the route I — and thousands of women — go through to find an explanation as to why sex hurts. Why we feel tight and shut down with a person we love. Why we can’t find sexual pleasure (or orgasm).

Each test and positive affirmation that there was nothing wrong with me sent me further down the spiral. I wished — hoped, prayed — that there was something wrong with me. Because that something could counter what was dominating my mind: that I was broken as a woman.

Painful sex didn’t just ruin my sex life, it ruined my marriage and my life.
I avoided touch that I craved (long after my marriage ended), in fear that it would lead to “more” — and more I could not do. Feeling alone and ashamed, I pulled back — first from my husband, then from any potential sexual partners. I stuffed my emotions, disappointment and anger, instead channeled my energy to shopping, cooking and baking (and the eating that followed).

Most of all, I felt that my body for betraying me, failing to perform when I needed it to. So I had disconnected from it. I had pushed it away.

Little did I know that I was actually betraying my body.

Somewhere along the journey of being the wife I was supposed to be — the woman who pleases and is a pleasure to her husband — I had lost connection to myself.

I had stopped listening

I had stopped listening to my body: what it wanted, what it needed, what it found pleasurable. Too often, I choose what he wanted, going at his pace. I felt less-than-courageous to ask to slow down, pay attention, give me the kind of touch that would arouse, stimulate, turn on.

I had stopped listening to my emotions. The resentment, sadness and disappointment I felt about sex being oriented towards his orgasm — I took a deep inhale, and I stuffed it all in.

Those emotions were telling me that something was wrong, uneven, unsatisfying, but I ignored the message. I packed the emotions in, growing more wound up inside, building up the tightness in my body that then created pain.

And lastly, I had stopped listening to my intuition, what I knew was true for me within.

My body wasn’t betraying me. I was betraying my body. I was betraying myself.

The wake up call came when I realized I wasn’t dealing with a medical problem — but a spiritual one.

Fast forward to today. This experience — and the beautiful journey of sexual discovery and opening that followed — led me to become an intimacy and sexuality coach and focus on women’s sexuality.

What I thought was uncommon as a newlywed, I now know is in fact very common for women. Too common.

As many as one out of three women experience painful sex. From mild discomfort to excruciating pain, tightness and pelvic pain during sex prevents women from enjoying themselves and their partners
and it affects their lives.

In my coaching practice, I hear women share, sometimes through tears, other times in bouts of anger:

“I question if this pain means that I don’t deserve pleasure.”

“What if I am not meant to be a sexual person?”

“I feel so alone and lost.”

“Why is my body doing this to me?!”

“I want to be with my husband, and my body is betraying me.”

When sex hurts, it truly feels like the body is betraying us, holding us back, letting us down.

Pain during sex not only ruins the moment, it can have deeper consequences: fear of sex, lowered libido, and overall disconnect or loss of intimacy in a relationship.

When my clients come to me, this is what I tell them: Pain is your body’s way of signaling that something is wrong. And it’s your job to slow down and tune into what your body is telling you — and to heed its needs.

It’s not merely physical. And it’s not purely in your head either.
It’s both.

The bad news is that we often train ourselves to close off to pleasure (creating tightness) with our thought, beliefs and actions. Our bodies react to our emotions and state of mind by tightening up, leading to uncomfortable experiences, which then evoke more negative emotions and self-talk.

The good news is that with some help, we can rewire our bodies to open up to pleasure, both physically and emotionally.

In my private practice as a women’s sexuality coach, I work with women who experience discomfort and pain during intercourse (and therefore cannot enjoy their sex life).

To help understand what’s happening “down there,” I am going to break down the most common psychosomatic reasons that contribute to painful sex and how to rewire your body to pleasure.

1. Tune into your body and listen

Our bodies speak in whispers and nudges, sometimes too softly to hear over the loud negative voices in our heads.

They signal what they need and what’s not right for us. Yet we are taught to disregard the body’s messaging system, overriding it with “but it’s not that bad”.

For most women, painful sex doesn’t come out of anywhere. There is a progression.

Many women lose their natural lubrication when the sex they’re having is less than what their body needs, resorting to lube as a substitute. The use of lube, while helpful as a complement to natural lubrication, can often mask an underlying problem — that the body is not ready for intercourse.

It takes much longer for women to get ready, requiring much more physical stimulation all over the body and meticulous attention from her partner than most men (and women) realize.

And in today’s way of life, most women are running on empty, when it comes to pleasure, relaxation and space. Our bodies cannot afford a bout of intercourse because it might actually leave us emptier than we started with.
When a woman dials in to what her body needs — and fills up on receiving what feels good to her — she quickly begins to see greater physical responsiveness.

2.Pay attention to what you’re feeling and telling yourself

When you experience pain in this tender and vulnerable area of your life, self-doubt, fears and self-judgement will undoubtedly creep in. Because sex isn’t just about sex — it’s about intimacy, identity, image, and relationship.

Negative thoughts and beliefs signal danger to our body. When we don’t pay attention and manage the thoughts that run in our head, the body literally lives in fear, responding by shutting down non-essential systems, including sex organs.

Beliefs translate into a body response, and it quickly becomes a vicious cycle. When we believe we’re in danger, our bodies close up. When we believe we’re not worth pleasure, our bodies tighten. When we tighten and it hurts, we create more self-doubt and fears.

The key here is not to ignore the fear — it’s there to protect you. Underneath the fear and the negative self-talk are real emotions — of sadness, disappointment and anger.

When I work with clients, we pay attention to what is happening and cultivate the inner wise voice inside, the one who knows what’s right for you. We ask “what do you want?” and listen carefully to the answer. We make “her” louder, so the fear can no longer derail her.

When a woman honors her emotions and connects to herself, uncensored, her body relaxes, opens up and melts.

3. Speak up

It’s not uncommon that the places where we’ve stopped listening to our bodies are also the places where we went silent.

And that silence — and the loss of intimacy — leads to the loss of safety in the relationship, which often has the body shut down further.

Women need safety to open our bodies — both physically and emotionally — to let our partners in. And we don’t take this seriously enough.

From asking to slow down, to guiding your partner to what your body needs, to saying ‘no’ to what doesn’t feel good — speaking up restores our power to honor and respect our body, creating deeper inner connection, relaxation and joy.

Painful intercourse is a mutual problem. When women bring in and involve their partners in finding solutions, intimacy grows, bringing couples not only pain-free sex, but an intimate connection that creates closeness, pleasure and joy.

Mitch Ft. Davido – On Point

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When you’ve got a hit maker/chart topper like Davido, you already know it’s a Banger. Fast rising singer/producer Mitch gets Davido featured on this new single titled “ON POINT” produced by veteran producer ‘Jay Pizzle’ & mix/mastered by Mitch himself with guitar by Fiokee. On Point isn’t just a song to give room to roll off your ears.

Mitch who comes under the MK Musik imprint marked his entry into the industry as an Producer, after a bit, he found a mainstay as an artiste, working with various celebrity artiste before moving out to the states to create more good music.

Trust you going to have “On Point” on repeat all day & also anticipate the video dropping soon hitting all satellite channels worldwide with local and international plays.

DJ ACID – AFRO SWERG MIX (Vol.1)

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Finally, the wait for a download link is over.BOAT ENTERTAINMENT x Acidic Entertainment drops another mix from the baddest and illest DJ with swag, DJ ACID. He brings us the volume 1 of the AFRO SWERG Mix featuring Shatta Wale, the Dancehall Medicine (Addi Bilion), Medikal,Omar Sterling,Davido, Tekno,kaakie and many more. Check out the mix for yourself and enjoy.Download (124.03 MB)

Yemi Alade – Knack am (Prod by Dj Coublon)

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Yemi Alade closes the lid on her critically acclaimed and top selling sophomore studio album “Mama Africa: The Diary of an African Woman”, with end of the U.S leg of her “Mama Africa World Tour”; as she ushers in a new era with the release of a new single.

The award-winning diva glows on “Knack Am”, as she delivers a melodious high-life masterpiece about her wild thoughts over a terrific production by DJ Coublon, enriched by glorious guitar stings played by the raved Fiokee.

The mid-tempo number will be housed on Miss Alade’s third studio album rumored to be titled #BM, slated for a late 2017 release.yemi bladeyemi

Sarah Clark To Rock Europe Convention Of Saints 2017(THY KINGDOM COME) Of The Royal House Chapel Uk

The Royal House Chapel UK hosts mega Event dubbed “THY KINGDOM COME” with the UK BaseD Talented Gospel Musician Sarah Clark.

The five(5) day program promises to be a wild, vibrant, youthful and intense worship and praise night as the Vibrant Songtress Rocks the program with her sweet angelic voice full of annointing at The Royal House Chapel(The Pod Kingsdale Alleyn Park SE218SB From WEDNESDAY 23RD TO SUNDAY 27TH AUGUST 2017. Time: 6:30pm EACH NIGHT (No Saturday Meeting).

The Powerful Men and Woman Of God Includes;
1. Bishop John Francis (Ruatch City Churches)
2. Apostle General Sam Korankye Ankrah (RCI Worldwide)
3. Rev.Mrs.Rita Korankye Ankrah (Premier Lady RCI Worldwide)

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Finally She is counting on votes from loyal Fans to keep voting for her to win the BEST UK BASED NEW GOSPEL ARTIST OF THE YEAR & BEST UK BASED GOSPEL SONG OF THE YEAR.
Follow the link to vote for Sarah Clark http://www.theghanamusicawardsuk.com/vote/index.php/247454

#ItWillComeToPass

#SarahClark

 

 

K. Anani ft Kwame Boateng – YOU ARE THE LORD (@kananilive)

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You Will Be Blessed After Listening To This Beautiful Gospel Song Coming From K. Anani ft Kwame Boateng, Am So So Loving This Tune, Enjoy And Share With Everyone.

Download Below

K. Anani ft Kwame Boateng  – YOU ARE THE LORD

[Download]

LYRICS
K. ANANI FT KWAME BOATENG
YOU ARE THE LORD
SAVIOUR
HEALER
JESUS
THAT’S WHO YOU ARE TO ME
REDEEMER AND FRIEND ,
PROTECTOR PROVIDER O GOD
LET YOUR NAME BE GLORIFIED (2X)
(WE GIVE YOU GLORY
AND THE HONOR
YOU ARE THE LORD
LET YOUR NAME BE GLORIFIED 2X)
CHORUS
YOU ARE THE LORD
LET YOUR NAME BE GLORIFIED 2X
WE GIVE YOU GLORY
AND THE HONOR
YOU ARE THE LORD
LET YOUR NAME BE GLORIFIED 2X
VERSE 2
YOU ARE JEHOVAH JIREH
GRACIOUS PROVIDER
YOU ARE MY SHEPHERD
I SHALL NEVER BE IN NEED
UNCHANGEABLE CHANGER
GENTILE REDEEMER
O LORD LET YOUR NAME BE GLORIFIED 2X)
I SEE YOU REIGNING
IN MY PROBLEMS O MY LORD
YOU ARE ABOVE
EVERY MOUNTAIN IN MY LIFE
I SEE YOU REIGNING
REIGNING IN MY CIRCUMSTANCES O LORD
YOU ARE ABOVE
EVERY HINDRANCE TO MY JOY
CHORUS 2X
LET YOUR NAME BE GLORIFIED
( REPEAT TILL FADE)

Wizkid – Craving (prod. Del’B)

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Fam….WizLion is not joking around with his recent top-notch music releases. As usual, trolling around the web, I bumped into this potential club recker. All the clubs and groove spots will go gaga for this one.

Wizkid titles this flame-of-a-song “Craving” and it was produced by super-star music producer – Del’B.

Download it asap and add to your playlist!!!

Kcee – Vanessa (Prod by Mystro)

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Off KCee’s forth coming album “Attention to Detail” is this potential afrobeat banger dubbed “Vanessa”. He clears the path to a successful release of his album by serving us with this groove produced by Mystro.stream and download this jam below and dont forget to share your thoughts on it with us.[Download]

B4Bonah Ft King Promise – My Girl (Produced By Killbeatz)

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From the camp of MimLife Records comes this collaboration between their label act B4Bonah and the Double Trouble hitmaker King Promise

This joint is titled My Girl which was mixed and produced by Killbeatz.

Management tells us, the visuals for My Girl will be out in few days time. For the meantime, have a feel of these talents from below…

Ladies are you ready? This is for ya’ll.

B4Bonah Ft King Promise – My Girl (Produced By Killbeatz) [Download]

Kwamz & Flava ft Sona – As You See

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Afrobeat superstars and “Take Over” hitmakers Kwamz & Flava are here again to get us on dancing feet. These guys have an astounding music gallery of solely bangers and right here is another one for all music enthusiasts to vibe to . They title this one “As You See” which features Sona. Kindly update your playlist with this.[Download]

The Vibrant UK Based Gospel Artist Sarah Clark Spotted On A Bicycle

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It’s not a surprise the multi-talented UK Based Gospel Artist SARAH CLARK has the skills to ride a bicycle on the street on France.

The “”It will come to pass” Hit Maker was spotted a few days ago on the streets of France riding a bicycle.Sarah Clark loves a good workout and is one of the fittest and prettiest Gospel Artist known for Good music and vibes.

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Before moving the bike, Sarah disclosed that she was taking a ride in town since she is still in her holiday birthday celebration in France.She posted on facebook that “NEW AGE!! NEW RESPONSIBILITIES!! # IT DOES NOT MATTER HOW LONG IT TAKES WHATEVER GOD HAS SAID ABOUT YOU, WILL SURELY COME TO PASS!!! 3b3 b3mu!! DO NOT GIVE UP!!! KEEP PUSHING TILL YOU BREAK FORTH!!!”

Below are pictures;

Finally She is counting on votes from loyal Fans to keep voting for her to win the BEST UK BASED NEW GOSPEL ARTIST OF THE YEAR & BEST UK BASED GOSPEL SONG OF THE YEAR.
Follow the link to vote for Sarah Clark http://www.theghanamusicawardsuk.com/vote/index.php/247454

#ItWillComeToPass

#SarahClark

Sarah Clark’s Birthday pictures with Family in France

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The UK Based Singer who sings for the sick to get healed SARAH CLARK celebrated her Birthday on the saturday 5th August 2017 at France.The birthday celebration which took place at France last Saturday had in attendace frineds and family.

Lot of wishes came through via her facebook page with pictures.

SHE SAID “Awwwwww I just want to say a big thank you to everyone for your beautiful messages and phone calls wow wow wow am sooooo GREATFUL TO GOD to have great people like you awwwwwww love you all mwaaaaaah”..

Also as we all know she was nominated for the GHANA MUSIC AWARDS UK so pleading to fans to vote for her for the BEST UK BASED NEW GOSPEL ARTIST OF THE YEAR & BEST UK BASED GOSPEL SONG OF THE YEAR.

Below is the link to vote for her and some pictures and video of her Birthday Celebration.
Follow the link to vote for Sarah Clark

BEST UK BASED NEW GOSPEL ARTIST OF THE YEAR & BEST UK BASED GOSPEL SONG OF THE YEAR.

http://www.theghanamusicawardsuk.com/vote/index.php/247454

#ItWillComeToPass

#SarahClark

 

 

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Counselor Lutterodt makes shocking revelation about virgins

lut.jpgVirginity is deemed a priceless trophy every woman is expected to present to the man who is worthy enough to ask for her hand in marriage after the long wait to deflower her at the opportune time (ie after marriage).

For this reason, there are a lot of perceptions about virgins including, the belief that they ooze with “out of the world” taste during a sexual intercourse, the perfect wives, get the best husbands among others, but here’s what controversial sex therapist Counselor George Lutterodt has to say about this perception.

“Virgins are a burden!” he established on popular GHOne relationship show, “Tales from the powder room” on Wednesday.

He explained that virgins come to marriage with all manner of baggage and expectations after sampling myriad views from friends about sex and they tend not to keep their private parts well because they have not had the use for their “envy of all mankind” over the years.

He was however quick to add that, there is nothing wrong with keeping one’s virginity till marriage, but they (virgins) must have their own reasons for choosing to remain untouched and stand by their decision with pride.

Churches ‘full’ of masturbating virgins – Counselor Lutterodt

lutterodtCounselor George Lutterodt has revealed that they are plenty of ‘masturbating virgins’ in churches and stressed that such women can never be satisfied by any man.

He explained that “there are women who claim they are virgins and yet satisfy themselves with all manner of pleasurable items including vibrating cell phones, and all manner of sex toys.”

The Counselor affectionately called “The emotional fixer” made this claim on GHOne’s relationship programme, ‘Tales from the Powder Room’ on Wednesday during a discussion on the phenomenon of virginity, society’s view of virgins, how they are perceived and the ‘hard’ truth about remaining chaste till one enters marriage.

He categorized yet to be ‘deflowered’ women under the following; infant virgins, secondary virgins, and masturbating virgins.

Per the controversial counselor’s explanations:

Infant Virgins have never engaged in sexual relations since birth,

Secondary Virgins have engaged in sexual acts before but have decided to never again get intimate with a man till they decide otherwise at a later time,

Masturbating Virgins use sex toys and other items to excite themselves but do not have sexual relations with a man.

He established that there are many women in churches who fall within the “Masturbating virgin bracket” and cautioned against it, noting that such women can hardly be pleased by their men when they later settle down in marriage.

“If you are a man and marries such women you can never satisfy them in bed because you (the man) is competing with a machine! (vibrator and other sex toys)”

“But how can you a man, compete with a machine to satisfy a woman who pleasures herself with vibrating devices?” he queried.

He, however, admitted that though today’s society has their own opinions about getting involved with a virgin, “if you are a virgin, know why you have decided to remain as such and stand by it with pride.”

He maintained that keeping one’s self till they marry before having sex is the best way to avoid guilt, sexually transmitted diseases STD’s, etc but does not mean that they are guaranteed a problem free marriage.